Widow Brain Fog
Widow’s brain is very real and extremely scary. You may wonder if you are losing touch with reality.
Forgetfulness comes with the grief, and as the grief lifts so will the short-term memory loss. For most widows, the fog begins to clear within a year to 18 months. Some of it may never come back. My husband passed away in March and I have very little memory of that first 6 months. If I would not have had family and friends to hold me up or point me in the right direction, I'm not sure where I would be.
Write notes to yourself. Write things out in a to-do list when you think about it — such as a letter to post, a book to return, or your shopping list — instead of relying on your memory. Then forgive yourself when you cannot find the list — or find your car keys in the freezer after looking for them everywhere for 30 minutes. I would say looking all over for my glasses when they are on my face or on my head was a huge problem, but more than 3 years later, that is still a daily occurrence. I can't blame everything on grief--sometimes it is just stress (which is another whole topic in grief).
Like stress, widow brain is the executive functioning part of your brain (pre-frontal cortex) being overwhelmed and unable to perform at its usual capacity. Relax, take a walk, laugh at yourself, give yourself a break and don't try to solve the problem. I would always say, this too shall pass!
Many will advise you not to make any major decisions for a year, mostly because of widow’s brain. However, that is not always possible. I had some family members at my home the first week after my husband died and they took practically every gun and every tool and loaded them into my husband's truck and drove away. I just sat there not saying a word and I didn't know how to stop it. Three month's later when I could make some decisions on my own, I went and picked the truck up because it was mine to decide what to do with it, not theirs.
Don’t act on impulse — weigh your decisions, seek counsel, and take what actions you believe are best for you.
We each have our own schedule when it comes to mourning. Only you can decide when it is time to give away his clothes to charity or sell his power tools. However, if you continue to put such things off for months and months, seek out a confidential mentor or counselor to talk to about it.
Tell your friends and family you are experiencing forgetfulness. Reassure them that it is a normal phenomenon and ask them to be patient with you. And by all means, if you are still employed, tell your boss or supervisor. Let them know it is a commonplace, physical, and temporary thing. Hopefully, they will appreciate your honesty.
Exercise your brain by doing online puzzles and word games, crafts, or the daily crossword. Take up reading if you are not already an avid reader. Do not mindlessly sit for hours in front of the TV or get sucked into computer games where you can escape reality, or drink until you pass out every night (like I did). Both are hazardous for your brain and your mental health.
