Now, I'd like to share my personal love letters with you:
I miss you!
I miss the stupid little things that you would do that would drive me crazy, like poking me in the neck until I screamed for you to stop (because you knew it drove me crazy)!
I miss the way you would try to repeat what I said to you like you heard it, and it wasn't even close (even though it drove me crazy)!
I miss the way you would say, “Darlin'” when you would talk to me.
I miss hearing you sing like Merle and Willie! I miss you singing any old Gospel song, like Amazing Grace. You had a voice of an angel and you had no idea how beautiful your voice was and how everyone around you was mesmorized when you were singing and playing your guitar.
I miss your humor. Your remembered around here about some funny thing you said or how quick you were at coming back with something hilarious!
I miss so many little things!
But lately, I miss your voice. It’s hard to place sometimes, and I’m afraid I will misplace it all together.
Well, it came and went. I was anticipating November 7 because it would have been our 16 wedding anniversary. However, as it happened so many times when you were here with me, living in the same house, talking everyday, 2 weeks after our anniversary we would say, dang "we missed our anniversary". Then, I blamed it on you, of course, because you always made it a point not to make any special day nothing more than another day of the week; whether it be, a birthday, Christmas, Easter, or an anniversary. I promised myself that I would not let you change that in me, that I would always celebrate these occasions, whether you did or not. Well, it happened and I changed so by the end of your life, I was treating these special days like they were just another day of the week.
When I missed this anniversary, it was just the next day when I thought, OMG, yesterday was our anniversary. I cried the entire day wondering how I could do that. I was just thinking about it the day before. I was out of...
I have been sad for many weeks now and I just couldn’t figure out why.
I hate the feeling of grief, but now that I don’t cry every day and miss important dates and you aren't mentioned in everyday conversation, I feel sad. That is grief.
I love November. It’s when it finally gets cool and I love to watch the leaves fall—then I hate that, because I have to rake them up, but I don’t!
I forgot to our anniversary this year November 7. That is nothing out of the ordinary, because when you were alive we forgot it several years together. One time it had been nearly 2 weeks when it hit me and I said to you "I can’t believe that I forgot our anniversary, and in classic Ralphism, you said, “I wondered when you were going to remember”! You know you had forgotten it also. I blame that on you because you didn’t make any special date special. You treated every holiday, birthday, and anniversary as if it were another day of the week. I told...
I finally made an appointment to have a sleep study done. It was today at 10:00 a.m. Dr. Walkes doesn't do them in the office anymore so they sent me home with a home kit! It is simple to set up.
The reason I decided to get one is that I wake up so tired every day and really don't have the motivation to go to work. If I could, I would sleep all day. I know this has a lot to do with grief and depression because of everything that is going. I am trying to get the house remodeled and finished so we can put it up for sale as soon as it's done and even though I'm not physically doing the work, it is exhausting. I just want to know for sure that it is not because of bad sleep that I am so tired. I have to return the test kit within the week and then they will let me know the results.
I love you and miss you!
This will make you very happy!!
So, a few month's back (I can't remember if I wrote you about this already), Mike and Cindy Herman were indicted by the Feds because of fraud and not paying their taxes on their restaurants. Ha! That should not surprise you because we always said they will get it in the end. He and Cindy eventually got caught for doing what they've always done.
Anyway, today was the arraignment and plea and the Federal Courthouse in downtown Austin. I took 3 hours PTO this morning just to be sitting in the courtroom and hopefully he would see my face. Well, I was the only one in the court audience except for a few federal inspectors. He definitely saw me and when I did catch his eye, I smiled big!
That's it! I just wanted to tell you that the pervert finally got caught and took his wife along for the ride. They closed down both of their restaurants a long time ago.
I left Joey at Best Friends while I was gone to Kinder, so I drove straight there when I got home today. He is always so excited to see me and it makes my day, every day! Of course, you know how everyone there loves that little guy! He did get a little cough while he was there, but he had the kennel cough drops when he got there, so I don't think it's that. We will just have to see if it gets better and if not, I'll take him to the vet. He's still the Million Dollar dog! lol!
I had Glory come over to the house to take care of the cat's food and water once a day. I am going to miss Glory's help with the animals when I do move. By the way, I now realize how much I wasn't home and how important it was for you staying home to take care of the animals. I had a live-in pet-sitter so I never realized how expensive and complicated it can get to get all of them where they need to be. :(
Good Night--Sleep Tight! I miss you.
Happy Easter to you! I went to The Kinder Bible church with mom and dad this morning. It was such a good service and we all got to see people we haven't seen in years. You would have loved the service but hated that we stood around for half an hour talking to people and relatives.
For the first time in my life, I heard Resurrection Sunday more than I heard Easter Sunday. I know that is because of you dieing, I have become so much more involved in the Word, the Glory of God and my faith is so much stronger than before. If I did not believe that God has my back on this and everything, then I would not be able to get through this. Obviously this is part of God's plan because I lost you, but my faith got stronger. Believe me I got angry and I got mad over this past year, but God didn't let me down. I got through it. I don't know how people that do not believe in God and trust him, get through a horrible time such as losing a husband or a loved one. The Grief is unbearable but I know he...
Dear Ralph, Well today is a Good Friday. This is explained in Romans 5:8: “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Then in 1 Peter 3:18, it is reiterated again: “For Christ died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive by the Spirit.”
This was Aunt Jan's first holy week without her beloved Orville. Of course everyone misses him, but just seeing the sadness on Aunt Jan's face most of the weekend really made me feel good about myself and how far along I have come since you died. It's not even been six months since Orville passed away, and I so remember at the six month mark of your death. I was so depressed that I ended up taking 3 days off of work. I am doing so much better now and I can really see that by looking back at my letters to you. I cry a lot because I miss you, but I don't cry as much and that does NOT mean...
Dear Ralph! Honey I am so sorry that I haven't written in over a week. I've been just a little bit busy. Yesterday ended the Dell WGC Golf Tournament and the Austin Country Club. It was so much fun and I have so much to tell you. I know you only got to do it for one year and the assignment you had was not the best memory for you, but we sure laugh all the time about some other volunteer having to come bale you out to evacuate Sergio Garcia who was already sitting in your SUV. The fact that you could not remember how to get out of the CC through the back way and nobody was answering you on the radio made you so upset. But you know when you tell a story, everyone laughs and we still do!
This is the 4th year the tournament has been in Austin and the 4th year that Ryan, Joe and myself have volunteered. Last year as well as this year, Ryan and I both volunteered to be Chairs, which gives us a little more responsibilities but it's also free. Chairpersons don't have to pay the $90 and we...
The Dell WGC Match Play tournament started this week. Today was my first day to work it. I was supposed to work the 360 Club again, but there was a venue named the Longhorn Seats at the 16th green, where no captain showed up. I volunteered to take that spot, which was awesome. Almost every team made it to the hole so I got to see a lot of golf and golfers up close. I will be there all week working at the venue but I will be so tired at night that I probably won't be able to write to you.
Know that I love you anyway! It will be another bitter-sweet WGC since you won't be working it with me. I can't believe it was a year ago that I had to make myself do it because it had only been 2 weeks since you had been gone, but I knew I needed it to keep my mind off of the grief, if not just during the days. Ryan is working the Leaderboard again. He loves it there and, of course, they love him.