I have been sad for many weeks now and I just couldn’t figure out why.
I hate the feeling of grief, but now that I don’t cry every day and miss important dates and you aren't mentioned in everyday conversation, I feel sad. That is grief.
I love November. It’s when it finally gets cool and I love to watch the leaves fall—then I hate that, because I have to rake them up, but I don’t!
I forgot to our anniversary this year November 7. That is nothing out of the ordinary, because when you were alive we forgot it several years together. One time it had been nearly 2 weeks when it hit me and I said to you "I can’t believe that I forgot our anniversary, and in classic Ralphism, you said, “I wondered when you were going to remember”! You know you had forgotten it also. I blame that on you because you didn’t make any special date special. You treated every holiday, birthday, and anniversary as if it were another day of the week. I told you that even though you didn't make them special, they would always be special to me. Then one day it happened. His birthday came and I didn’t’ treat it special. I didn’t give him a card, but I did tell him happy birthday. His kids didn’t sent him cards, but I always did. Then our anniversary date came and went and I didn’t remember it. It made me sick. Then this year, as you already know, I missed our anniversary date. It made me sick and sad.
Then we had Thanksgiving. This is the 3rd year without you here for Thanksgiving, but every year since you died, when we say the blessing someone says something about Ralph in heaven and this year nobody did.
I don’t cry every minute of every day anymore and many days go by that I don’t think of you. I walk by pictures everyday, and don’t touch them anymore. I am sad that the grief fades. I am sad that I don’t think of you every minute of every day and that I don’t cry as much. It is sad to lose someone, but I now realize that it is sad to not remember you!